No, retailers, you can’t have my number. We’re not in a relationship
Maybe I’m just getting old and cagey, but I don’t want to start a relationship with retailers; I can barely commit to the same toothpaste brand. Haven’t they learnt from random dudes at PCYC Blue Light discos that asking for your number off the bat isn’t the sexiest way to get things going?
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A relationship with a retailer is not a normal relationship anyway, unless your partner intermittently announces ways they can improve your life and/or wardrobe at a 40 per cent discount.
You know they only want you for your hard-earned bucks, so it’s no wonder trust has eroded. I want to play hard to get, not give it up in every transaction in-store. Social media already knows me better than I know myself, sending ads for local skin cancer clinics before I can Google: “Mole, shaped like Australia, normal?”
Maybe I would be more receptive if they printed warning labels on receipts about the dangers of excess rubbish choking up the waterways, a beached whale slathered in discarded receipts. But I need to know that they’ll delete my number immediately and not text me like some desperate date asking how I think they performed today.
Boundaries are important in a healthy relationship: being able to say “no” without getting the stink eye from the 21-year-old cashier.
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I get it: retailers have needs too. They need loyal customers to maintain their bottom line. But retailers, especially the large ones, would do well to get better at wooing us. Relationships take time and effort, and above all, trust. Show us how you’re personally campaigning to save the whales instead of demanding my number at the cash register.
We all want the same things in life: the occasional USB-C cord, more whales, and not being pestered in texts and emails to secure our ongoing commitment. We’ve all dated people like that, and it never ends well.
I walk out of JB Hi-Fi without a receipt, digital or otherwise. And, as if in some caper-filled romcom, I’m stopped and asked for one at the exit. I should have told them I can’t stop because I’m off to harpoon some whales.
